Zelma’s Trip

I woke up in Bernie got up and showered and sorted the inside of the van out in the vain hope that everything wouldn’t fly everywhere as soon as I started moving.  I also picked up the remaining cutlery from the floor which I hadn’t been able to see the previous night as it was dark!  I checked out and left for Wallaman falls which I had read about as being the highest single drop waterfall in Australia.

As I headed out into more amazing scenery I wondered if I had enough petrol.  I decided that I did but the rational part of my brain kept questioning the fact.  I carried on regardless and was greeted by lots of cows who seemed slightly oblivious to the fact that they were sitting across the road.  There were cattle grids and when you went over them you soon realised that they were there for a reason, i.e. the next section of road would be covered in cows and their deposits!  As I drove around one corner I came across a roadworks sign.  A word of warning, roadworks signs here really do mean roadworks.  Actually I encountered one the day before where there were more English roadworks, i.e. loads of cones everywhere but no actual work going on.  However this time the cones were -everywhere- and I had to learn very quickly just how big Bernie was and where his wheels were in a kind of campervan slalom type thing.  Anyway today, these roadworks were proper roadworks to the extent that the road became more of a sandpit.  At one point I was a bit confused as to where I was actually meant to drive as the road was ninety percent sand mounds, more like sand dunes actually.  The workers were very smiley and friendly. 

When I got passed the roadworks I soon arrived at the foot of a mountain.  There were signs saying that the road was steep and windy and not suitable for large vehicles.  I questioned whether Bernie constituted a large vehicle, quickly decided he didn’t and carried on.  After a couple of kilometres of crazy bends and my ears continually popping and unpopping (it really doesn’t take much now i.e. a couple of metres, – I think I may need to get that checked at some point) I met another roadwork sign.  This one was later followed by a sweet oldish man holding a stop go sign.  I asked how far the waterfall was and whether he thought I had enough petrol.  He answered, “a fair old way yet” and, “No” before helping me do a three-point turn on the mountain road.  So I headed back, past the guys at the roadworks, passed the cows and back to town where I got some petrol and lunch.

On the way back out to the waterfall I passed the guys at the roadworks again, who by now must have thought I was either very odd or seriously lost, and waved at the road work guy half way up the mountain.  As I carried on on the mountain roads I paused at a viewpoint.  The place was spectacular with the most amazing view down.  When I got back into Bernie I told myself that I must remember not to just drive into stupid places where I had to do comical manouvres and reversing to get out again.  After a sixty three point turn I carried on up the mountain until I got to an unsealed road.  Now technically you are not allowed to drive hired vehicles/ relocations on unsealed roads but I wasn’t going to miss the waterfall and besides, there were big lumps of concrete poking out of the sand so I thought that counted!  The road was a bit bumpy in places and Bernie rattled away like a trooper.  There were signs at the sides of the roads warning that there were cassowaries and that you were not to stop and feed them or get out of the car.  If you’ve seen a cassowary you’d know why this would be the last thing on any sane person’s mind.  The things are huge, almost like ostriches, and look, well, a bit evil to be honest. 

Anyway, so I carried on and eventually got to a gravel track with a sign for “Wallaman falls lookout”.  I drove up and got out of the van, having parked in a slightly less ridiculous spot this time.  When I got to the edge I was blown away.  I’ve seen a lot of waterfalls since I left the UK but most have been on split levels.  I was talking briefly to a man looking at the waterfall and he commented there were meant to be more beautiful waterfalls in another National Park.  My response was that that was not possible.  Honestly you should have seen it.  Everyone overuses the word awesome in Australia but this waterfall was what the word was made for.  It was positively HUGE, well 268 metres actually with a pool depth of 20 metres and 540 metres above sea level.  I really had never seen anything like it, the water was insane and the rising mist from the power of the water hitting the pool was immense.  I commmented to the man that
I was going to Angel Falls and he joked that I was doing a waterfall tour.   I’ve been to so many now that I started thinking that perhaps I am….well I can think of worse things to do!

After spending a very long time taking numerous pictures and just being in awe of the waterfall and its sheer power, I walked to another lookout place.  There was apparently a walk where you could go down to the base of the falls and I really wanted to do it.  When I got to the lookout point there was a sign about the walk with precautions.  It stated, “Never Walk Alone”, which didn’t put me off but, infact, just reminded me of Anfield and I got the song stuck in my head.  There were also numerous warnings about snakes and suggested treatments for snakebites.  All of these didn’t really put me off but three things did.  The first was a seriously fit looking man (by fit here I mean like Paula Radcliffe, like physically fit and not gorgeous like Christian Slater…mmmm) who looked knackered and was drenched in sweat having just finished the walk.  It got me thinking that their, “moderate level of fitness required”, may have been a strong kind of moderate.  The second thing which was a tad off-putting was the warning about making sure you completed the walk in the daylight.  It was 3pm at this point and I wasn’t entirely convinced about the whole walking over wet rocks ridden with snakes by myself in the dark thing.  The final warning which got me was about communications equipment and the unreliability of mobile phones.  I think they suggested satellite phones or something.  So, in a moment of sanity, as I was by myself and due to the above, my cost benefit analysis meant that I ended up going back to my van.

I drove down another road which, by my calculations, would take me to the base of the falls without having to fall over, twist my ankle and stand on a Taipan (an infamous Australian snake).  I got down the slightly bumpy road and saw a sign for a bridge stating that vehicles over 4 tonnes were not permitted to cross.  I contemplated whether Bernie was that much of a heifer, decided he wasn’t and promptly drove across.  When I got to the other end of the bridge there was a sign stating that there was no unauthorised vehicle access permitted which I thought was helpful, after you had crossed the bridge.  This meant that I had to reverse Bernie (not my strong point) across the small bridge, before doing another of my comedy manouvres the other side so that he was facing the right way!

When I got down the mountain I headed towards Cardwell which is further up the coast and opposite Hinchbrook Island.  The countryside didn’t get any less impressive with vast and spectacular scenery.  It differs slightly from the West in that there’s not as much sand and bush with more crops and mountains around.  The area I was driving through produces sugar and for ages I was wondering what all the tiny
train tracks were…..then I saw a sugarcane train.  They’re hilarious and lovely all at once.  About the same size as a train at a zoo or the things they use to transport luggage about at airports but very, very long.  I
saw one at a level crossing later in the day and felt very sorry for the seriously long line of cars waiting for the gazillionth carriage to pass them at about 3 miles per hour!

When I arrived in Cardwell I checked into Kookaburra holiday park, wandered into town and got dinner (a barramundi burger) .  I also spent a long time wandering around to find a pay phone which took incoming calls but with no success.  Well unless you call being chatted up by locals with few teeth and whistled at a successful occupation.  When I tried to make the bed in the van I realised that I was still completely inept and it took me some time again.  I went to sleep assuring myself that I would leave the bed as a bed the following day rather than having to do the whole table to bed conversion again!