Zelma’s Trip

After almost two weeks in Vietnam my grasp of the language is still non-existent.  Vietnamese is a very difficult (in my mind impossible) language to master, partly because it is tonal.  A good example of this is the word “ba” which can mean three, grandmother, poisoned food, waste, aunt or any all depending on the pronounciation.  It’s a language that makes you look extremely stupid when you try to pronounce something in, what you think is every possible way, the locals finally understand what you are attempting to evict from your throat and then repeat the word in a completely different way.

One thing I love here is the translations to English.  Some of the signs are excellent, so much so that I have taken pictures of some of them….yes I know!  I was sat in a Cafe in Hanoi yesterday and the menu was most appetising as follows:

Chao Suon Heo:  Pig’s rib gruel

Chao Bau Duc Heo:  Pig’s kidneys gruel

Chao Trung Muoi:  Salted Duck Egg gruel

and my personal favourite……..

Chao Tim Trang Ga:  Chicken’s internal Organs Gruel.

I ordered a bottle of Coke!

One of the tourist places in Nha Trang had tours which were advertised as “Funny, differently” which sounded somewhat intriguing to me!  All of the shops also seemed to have signs which said, “Sale Off” and then listed a percentage which didn’t really convey what I’m sure they meant!  One of my favourite signs in Nha Trang was in a restaurant and read, “Squid and only squid!”.

Perhaps the most worrying English I have seen since I got here was when a slightly fuzzy-headed Zelma got on the back of a motorbike to head to the waterfall from Nha Trang.  As I climbed on I noticed that the rider’s helmet read, “Enjoy your life” across the back which, I must say, didn’t fill me with hope!

One saying that all the locals seem to have mastered is “Same, same but different”.  This led to an interesting discussion about Communism on one of our tours.  I don’t think the guide was very impressed by the woman’s take on their saying!

Vietnam is about the first country that I have been to where I don’t think that each child is a genius.  I have this thing normally when I go abroad where I hear a child speak and think, “Oh my God, that child must be a genius, he’s only about 4 and he speaks French!”.  I then realise that this is not -quite- as impressive as I first thought as the child is infact French, German etc.  However in Vietnam it just sounds like all the children are talking jibberish; somewhat akin to their adult counterparts.  Okay, I have just realised how amazingly un-pc this is sounding.  Actually that should be in-pc, no actually p in-c.  Hmmm, on that note I think I’ve said enough about the Vietnamese language.  In all fairness if I could pick any language to be fluent in I think it might be this one as I haven’t got a cow’s chance in hell of learning it.  Is that a saying or another one I’ve made up?