Zelma’s Trip

Elisha left to head South to the islands.  I had quite a non-eventful day mainly consisting of pottering and sitting in cafes.  I went back to the tailors and tried on very basically done clothes.  I was to return many, many times subsequently to try, and re-try, clothes on.  At first it was all quite exciting.  Firstly there’s the buzz of knowing you’re getting cool clothes made and then there’s the whole feeling a bit like a model thing.  Well, without the bulimia and Cocaine of course.  Eventually though you begin feeling a bit like a clothes horse and I also get really paranoid that I’m going to get pricked when several people are sticking pins at you from all diffferent angles.  Needless to say not one pin touched me.

At the end of the fitting the man who worked in the tailors asked me where my friend (meaning Elisha) was.  When I said he had left he offered to show me some bars on the other side of town.  I did the obligatory risk assessment and decided that, as I knew where he worked, I would perhaps have some kind of come-back if any of my belongings went walkies or if he tried anything.  Furthermore, as he was about half my size and weight I decided I could have him!  I was just counting on him not being related to Tony Jaa.  Anyone missing that link really -must- watch Ong Bak.

Anyway so we went out to one bar which is actually quite cool.  It’s just off Khao San Road, shows the football on a big screen and is also based around an old petrol station.  Although the latter did worry me slightly each time I lit up next to the petrol pump!  After a bucket of interesting local spirits Sanjay said that he knew a good bar with live music in Patpong.  I had heard about Patpong and it being one of the most sex-touristy areas of town but he assured me that this particular bar was alright.  We got a tuk-tuk which is sooo much fun at night.  During the day you often get stuck in traffic, get very hot and inhale too much exhaust but at night the roads are much quieter and the tuk-tuks hare around the corners as you see lights merging into lines beside you. 

When we got to Patpong it was even crazier than I had imagined.  Copious numbers of people try to get you into various sex shows featuring women, men and a whole host imbetween.  There are also lots of ping pong shows.  A lot of the places have leaflets which not only tell you what you’re going to see but also helpfully have diagrams, just in case you’re not completely sure.  I was actually a bit overwhelmed by it but when one boy, who can’t have been more than eight, came over and showed me a leaflet with pictures on, the whole area began to sicken me.  Fortunately we weren’t on the main strip that long and my disgust soon faded when we got to the bar and who was on stage?  Yes, you guessed it…..a Thai, Elvis impersonator!  It was absolutely hilarious and I would have gone closer to take a photo but as everyone anywhere near the stage was getting dragged on-stage I decided better of it.  When Elvis finished I was naturally, slightly upset but then Tom Jones arrived and the somewhat bizarre order was resumed.  I laughed so much that Sanjay kept asking me if I liked it and whether I was okay.  I said, “Do you know what surreal means?” which he didn’t.  Later in the evening there was diffferent music but as much laughter, particularly when I taught Sanjay the Y.M.C.A.  From that bar we went to “Boss” nightclub but after a short while I was feeling a bit tired.  That and looking over my shoulder and seeing Sanjay banging into people and spilling their drinks made me decide that it was time to go home.