Zelma’s Trip

In the morning Theresa (who is actually from Ontario and not Oregon as I said before – I think) and I went to the rafting office and waited for the other girls to join us.  After grabbing a quick breakfast, we were taken up to the rafting Head Quarters on the other side of Pai.  The three Canadian girls, who turned out to be loads of fun, were Chris, Ashley and Katie.  We were given safety instructions which were actually quite worrying.  The guy inducting us was the owner of Thai adventure rafting, a guy called Guy (hu huh that’s funny) from France.  Later there was a debate about how fit he would have been when he was younger.  Hmmm, that’s what you get with a group of five girls on a rafting trip!  We were told about the perils of the river and things you should and shouldn’t do.  If you got separated from the raft you were to adopt the “safety position” which is basically facing with your feet down-river and floating. We were told that we should keep hold of our paddle and use the free arm to swim (this caused great amusement later when one of our guides lost his paddle in some rapids).  If separated from the boat you were not to aim for objects such as trees as you might get pushed under them ansd stuck in debris and to avoid trying to cling to rocks as they often had other rocks around them (as I later discovered).  At the briefing we were also helpfully informed that the previous day the group had managed to capsize the ducky (the smaller boat) after bouncing into the back of the bigger raft.  Having learnt all the perils of the trip we headed in a jeep to the river.  It was about an hours drive with the latter part being somewhat bumpy.

Once at the river we waited for our guides (Chai and Mr Tip) to inflate the rafts.  We then put our gear into one dry bag which was not to be opened for our overnight things and one kind of plastic dry box which we had access to on the raft.  This had things like cameras, sun cream and of course my cigarettes inside!  When we got onto the river the three Canadian girls were in the bigger raft (which we called big red) and Theresa and I were in the smaller raft/ ducky (which we called the banana boat).

The journey started off relatively slowly with few rapids of any size.  However, before lunch there were a few rapids to speak of.  As well as the rocks there was also the added danger of the trees and bushes.  The bushes were full of spiders so if you bounced into one down the rapids you got covered in them.  A couple of the Canadian girls were petrified of spiders and, once the guides realised how entertaining it was, I swear that they started aiming for the bushes.  We stopped for lunch at a kind of bamboo fishing platform and were fed a lovely rice and vegetable meal.  There was also meat available which turned out to be snake.  After lunch there were some more exciting rapids and we got to a lovely waterfall.  One of the great things about the trip, which I hadn’t expected, was the swimming in the river.  Swimming in a life jacket has always annoyed me but it’s actually really cool when there’s a current and you can just float along without having to do anything.  The only annoying thing, and it was truly annoying, was getting loads of sand and grit stuck in your bikini bottoms.  Mmm, the thought of chafing cheeks is still doing it for me!  At the waterfall the girls decided they were tired and, having had fun and frolics, took to napping in the boats.  I went for a small wander with Mr Tip and sat on a rock and had a cigarette.

Mr Tip was hilarious and when he told us to, “Go”, he would then shout, “Stop”, and then really timidly say, “Thank You”.  He had very limited English but was hilarious.  When he shouted, “Go, Go, Go”, we took to replying with the same in French which he seemed to enjoy partaking in also.  He spent much of the time at the back of the banana boat singing.  He also liked the occasional cigar which was most amusing when he dropped one in the water.  I swear I’d never seen him move so fast, he leapt in with gusto but did manage to save the trusty cigar.  The girls thought it was equally amusing when I lit a cigarette prior to going through some rapids.  Although we emerged truly soaked my cigarette was still alight and didn’t have a single drop of water on it.  Well, a girl’s got to get her priorities right, Eh?

After several more rapids and a biref trip to some hot springs (a small area which stank of egg due to the sulphur) we reached camp.  Camp was a simple affair but a very welcome one.  There was a freshwater shower which, although cold, was amazingly refreshing.  We were fed one of the best meals I have ever eaten which consisted of a stir fry with rice and a yellow curry with potatoes (chicken for the non-veggies) and the most amazing pineapple.  I’m not sure how much the dinner was affected by our insane hunger but it was really good.  That evening some of the Canadian girls partook to some Sam Song drinking.  It was actually really funny as the guides had changed one bottle’s contents for tea.  They then got Ashley to down a shot and she was like, “Hey, hang on, that’s not Sam Song”, to which the guides erupted in laughter.  We all went to bed very early that night as we were truly knackered.

I slept relatively well considering the bamboo floor and it being relatively hot.  I did do that thing for ages of needing the toilet but not wanting to venture down to the toilet hut in the middle of the night.  Eventually I had to and, other than one of the workers thinking I was an intruder and nearly attacking me, I wondered why on Earth I hadn’t gone sooner.  The next morning I was the first to get up (I know, shock horror).  We were given a lovely breakfast of scrambled egg and home-made toast.  The toast and jam went down a treat actually.  Mr Tip was already on form and Chai translated a comment which basically said that we all looked beautiful the night before but didn’t in the morning.  Hmmm, cheers Mr Tip!

We headed off in different boats.  Theresa, Chris and I were in Big Red with Chai and Katie and Ashley were in the banana boat with Mr Tip.  We entertained ourselves by singing songs and generally joking around.  After a couple of hours Katie and Ashley decided it was time to get the Sam Song out again and stopped for regular tipples down the river.  In Big Red we made a version of “Row, row, row your boat” up which went something like this:

“Row, row, row your raft,

Gently down the Pai,

Merrily, Merrily, merrily, merrily,

With Mr Tip and Chai.

Row, row, row your raft,

Gently as can be,

Merrily, Merrily, merrily, merrily,

Arrrgh – a Spider Tree!

Row, row, row your raft,

Drinking Rum and Coke,

Merrily, Merrily, merrily, merrily,

Zelma wants a smoke.

Well, it amused us.  Amongst the other songs was a version of “Spider Pig” from the Simpsons which was actually, “Spider Tree”.  Chai was as amusing as Mr Tip had been the previous day but in a different way.  It was also really funny watching the banana boat and Mr Tip winding the two girls up.  He headed for far too many spider trees and also capsized the boat and pretended he was underneath.

After more frolics, rapids and laughs we stopped for lunch.  Lunch was re-heated stir fry and also the left-over toast from the morning, oh and some sardines.  Although that probably sounds really unappetising it was absolutely great.  Apparently we actually stopped way before the lunch area as we were slow.  Hmmm!  Maybe that was due to the fact that we spent about as much time in the river as in the boats.

After lunch we carried on down the river through more rapids.  At one point I asked if I could swim and, when Chai said it was fine, I jumped out.  I then managed to go through a set of rapids without the boat.  Later, when I was pulled back into the boat I thought my foot hurt, looked down at it, and saw that it was bleeding.  I wished I hadn’t looked as it did that thing of immediately hurting ten times as much as I had noticed the blood.  I’d love to pretend that I was mauled by some mutant pike or that I sliced it up on a rock, but I actually think it was when I got back into the boat.  It really hurt and I went to Chai for some sympathy.  Unfortunately what I actually got was him poking it and then laughing very loudly at me.  The foot’s actually okay, although a local has since said that at least I’ll have a memory of the trip.  I told them very firmly that it was NOT going to scar!  I have also since purchased lotions and potions from a local pharmacist which I hope will assist the healing process, prevent infection and stop the nice chunks from scarring.  I have got slightly concerned that I have no idea what the creams do and that they may just make my feet really hairy or cause me to grow an extra toe or something!

Shortly after the cut foot experience Chris called over to Katie that she had a bug on her armpit.  When she went to flick it off and it didn’t move I calmly pointed out that it was a leech rather than a bug, which triggered a somewhat less calm reaction!

A few hours after lunch we arrived at the final destination which was in the National Park.  As we got out and took various bits back to the jeep I was sad that the trip was over and also to leave the girls.  The whole experience was amazing from the calm stretches of river with fun and jokes to the excitement of the rapids, the waterfall and floating down the river in our life-jackets.  The whole way the scenery was out of this World and, other than at the camp (where there were two other workers) and right at the end (where there were fisherman) we didn’t see another human the whole way down the river.  I would strongly recommend it to anyone who gets the chance.  The only problem was that I was staying at the end destination of Mae Hong Son and the other girls were making the two and a half hour road journey back to Pai so I had to say my Goodbyes to them.